Name: Todd Barnes. And once again, for the record, overg is pronounced oh-verg. Not over-g, not overj, not overgame, and for god's sake, not fuck-head.
Location: Traverse City, Michigan
Where were you born? Ann Arbor, Michigan the Mitten is in my blood.
Did you go to law school there, too? Nope. I was accepted there for undergrad, but chose to go to Michigan State because I had a roommate and a desire to attend a school nicknamed "Moo U." I went to law school at Notre Dame, which was a brilliant decision, given that I am neither religious nor into college football. On the plus side, the flatness and dull landscape of Northern Indiana is really something to behold.
What did you want to be when you grew up? I never had any ambition, so I guess I'd have to answer "handsome rogue drifter".
Two out of three ain't bad, eh? Well, I suppose I could grow scruff, which is half of what is needed to be a rogue drifter. Alas, I still lack the ability to morph into the Hulk.
What were mealtimes like for you as a child? The scientists would come in and inject the super serum into my test tube. A half hour later it would be off to the Arena of Strength to engage in mortal combat with various other super mammals.
That makes me think of Aquaman, [sigh]. Who was your favorite SuperHero? Back in my comic book reading days, it was actually the Sub-Mariner. Yes, my favorite super hero ran around in a pair of Speedos. But he had wings on his ankles!
Off topic, why do people always think I'm gay? Perhaps it's your unhealthy obsession with excessive ironing?
Did you ever like any of your school photos? Dude, I had a mullet for most of high school. How could I *not* like my school photos?
What was your first date like? That's a boring story. But my first kiss is a longer boring story, so I'll tell that instead.
We were both 15 year old junior camp counselors at a camp not too far away from where I am now. It was movie night, and we went to make popcorn for all of the little campers. Flirtations were exchanged, and before I knew it, my arms were around her waist and I was leaning in. *KERPOW!* Fireworks. I vividly remember the two thoughts running through my head. First was, "should I turn off the lights?" And second, "so this is what sex is like!"
Did you ever really find out what sex is like?
And, if so, do you still contemplate turning off the lights?
I did indeed find out! Whether or not I remember is a different question. But anyway, that particular bridge was burned down when I was seventeen, while watching American Gladiators. Yes, I did lose my virginity watching men compete in feats of strength while wearing spandex.
No really, why do people always think I'm gay? Maybe because you spend your evenings kissing your cats on the lips?
As for turning off the lights, I never have to contemplate it anymore. For some reason, the women I'm with always seem to do it the moment I enter the room. And call me "Brad" throughout the encounter.
What is in your vegetable bin?
They have bins for vegetables? I'm guessing you might be referring to the meat thawing bin at the bottom of refrigerators. Mine is empty right now, but I have been known to keep meat I'm thawing in there.
I've seen people store batteries in those things. What the hell is up with that?
Wait! You actually cook something other than chicken fingers?
My cooking prowess is very limited, but I do know how to do a few things with chicken and hamburger. Sadly, making hamburgers is not one of them. I can never get the patties the right shape, so they burn on the outside and stay raw on the inside. I also have issues with Kraft Mac and Cheese.
What color is your car? Black, like my heart. And my feet. I really should shower more.
Are you having a good hair day? I just got it cut yesterday, thank you for noticing! Yes, it is a good hair day. I am feeling especially aerodynamic.
What is your favorite cologne? Never had much use for it, as the smell from my black feet tends to drown out everything else anyway. But having been a college male, I do have some Drakker someplace in my bathroom.
Haven't the girls at Looking Good taught you anything?? Isn't there a forum called "Smelling Good"?
Any product related forum there scares me. Side note trivia: I was actually an Administrator for Looking Good for about three days. And then Highwaygirl came to her senses. Don't ask me what she's thinking about with Hamster Time.
What is your middle name? Christopher. Named after my mother's mother, Christine. I believe she was the inspiration for that book by Stephen King. I come from a long line of psycho killer vehicles. In fact, the other day I heard from a distant cousin related to me through my great great great granduncle Peter, the Horse Drawn Buggy Strangler.
What type of books do you like to read? I used to read all the time, with emphasis on the classics. Except Shakespeare. I hated iambic pentameter and everything it stands for. These days, given the amount of reading I have to do at work, I don't find much pleasure in it. I prefer shadow puppet theater. Plus, I'm getting dumber. I suspect that I'll have reverted to pop-up books by the time I'm 40. I'll open the book and the little house will pop up and I'll scream in terror before clapping my hands in delight. I'll then spend 20 minutes trying to figure out how the book works before going to chase a particularly big piece of lint that will be drifting around the house.
What is your favorite type of cookie? I'm allergic to nuts. Cookies often contain nuts. Or peanuts. Or that sneaky fucking bastard peanut oil. So I don't really eat many cookies. I like my mom's chocolate chip cookies, but other than that I tend to avoid the vomit inducing menaces.
You've gone the whole time without once mentioning your little flubberbutts. There might be someone, somewhere that doesn't know that you have two lovers. And a bird!
I was saving it for the book I'm writing, "My Cats are Awesome . . . They Don't Even Eat Brunch."
For the record, I've got two Persian cats, Karabekia (also known as Beaker, also known as Flubberbutt, sometimes called Nuperin for no particular reason), and Thumper (Thumps or Nuffinbutt for short). And then there's Brunch, my cockatiel. The cats like to watch him, but have yet to eat him. I named him Brunch just in case though. I didn't want the felines to feel responsible should nature take its course.
Are we likely to see you on a Men of Hamstertime Calendar anytime soon?
Well, Raptorgirl was heading up that project, but seems to have lost her taste for it when I sent in my picture submissions. Apparently she was under the impression that I would be wearing clothes. And include the top half of my body in the pictures.
There is also an issue with Blurry, who thinks that cameras steal your souls. Which is just ridiculous, since I already stole his soul while he wasn't paying attention seven months ago. I sold it to a collector from Europe. I believe its now a featured attraction in his exhibit "Souls of the American 80's".
Who would you like to see interviewed on my next "Spotlight On..."?
Next? I was led to believe that I was the grand finale. The topper. The climax, if you will. But if you must interview someone else, I recommend someone who will talk a lot about me.
That shouldn't be too difficult. I'm sure everyone will be talking about you after this! Thanks again for a great interview, Overg!